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As a community, an industry and as the human race, we have come so far over the last century in improving our ethics towards each other and especially to those who do not fit a ‘norm.’ However, we can never stop improving, learning and ultimately improving the lives of others through what is ultimately kindness and taking an extra thought. This is not a blame game, or to highlight what anyone is doing wrong, but to instead build a foundation of understanding, with a hope that this time next year, there will be even more positive stories of change to share.
As the chair of the Advancing Tech Talent and Diversity (ATTD) Interest Group within the GTIA UK & Ireland Community, I wanted to collect real stories from real individuals within our industry covering as many points of diversity as possible. The goal is to allow people of all lifestyles to want to continue to build a library for people to anonymously share—anonymously—their experiences, both happy and difficult, to allow others to reflect on their own subconscious assumptions or to open up the path of thoughtfulness.
Collecting these stories sets the GTIA ATTD Interest Group’s mission and demonstrates our goal to create a safe space for all individuals to belong, learn and ultimately thrive.
I also want to highlight the importance of allyship. We want to bring about a space for everyone to learn from one another, and that is the only fixed mould that we all fit in to, being human. I personally have learnt so much from those who have shared, and I hope anyone reading this does to.
Thank you to everyone who has shared their story, and to those who have done so anonymously, I hope you read this and know you are a part of a large tapestry of hope, change and education.
Physical Challenges
“I am severely visually impaired and use a white cane. I find it especially difficult when using my cane and disability lanyard as a sign that I have a disability for the benefit of others. I have had to self-label myself otherwise it appears I have an invisible disability. For example, if someone is required to read me a paper document, people believe I am unable to read and treat me in an infantile manner if they do not see my cane.
“I wish for people to be more compassionate around how I could be assisted in a respectful manner. For instance, being asked if I needed assistance should the fire alarm go off, better lighting in the office or allowance to use the disabled toilet without me explaining why I would need to.
“I was also asked to do training on a small laptop which made me frustrated as there was no other option other than the manager read to me like I was at school in front of others, many of whom began commenting.
“I do not wish to be treated completely differently; I would just love to have the same work experience as others. Most changes are simple, such as forward thinking for me to use accessibility features on work technology or for me to be thought of in plans or I would be happy to help by being consulted as to what would help, I do not want to get my outside advisor involved as I would be seen as a nuisance or busy body. I don't just want to have to cope, I just want to have peace of mind and thrive in my role."
Gender Equity
'I’m a long-term [GTIA] member and sadly I don’t feel comfortable sharing my transition journey to my male self within the community. It’s not something I share lightly yet I walk amongst you freely—undetected but not entirely unscathed. I envy those who have transitioned in recent years and the increased acceptance that surrounds them, but I feel if I was to share my story that those around me would see me very differently—maybe I’m wrong—but it doesn’t feel like a safe environment as things are.
“I would love to be able to help educate others in a compassionate way, to enable their understanding, but I fear the reaction of the small percentage, or I often hear people say, ‘I would know if I saw a transgender person' which makes me laugh in one way, or if someone says they don't know anyone, it makes my journey feel non-valid or invisible. I would love to see the transgender and intersex community more widely championed by [GTIA]. There are a lot of us about—you probably just don't know it yet.”
Neurodiversity
“I have autism and I legally have to declare this as a mental disability to companies when I interview with them. I was a high achiever in school in multiple subject areas and have excelled in the workplace with great references. I mask my social struggles so my autistic traits are not as clear which I find extremely tiring. I often wonder how many interviews I have been denied because I have declared my diversity.”
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“I have clinical depression and bipolar disorder and have not told anyone at my workplace through fear of all of the social stigmas which would affect how people treat me.”
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“I have dyslexia and dyspraxia and find it very difficult to read paperwork and long written paragraphs at the same rate as others. People often think I am being lazy or am not trying hard enough and I have found it very difficult to ask for help and being taken seriously. I wish for more thought-out ways to help me or to be consulted in ways that would make my job easier and ultimately make me more effective in my role.”
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“I have been diagnosed as autistic as an adult and feel people already treat me differently. My ability has not changed, myself as a person has not changed, only the label that has been put on me by a medical person. I am currently trying to not only learn about the condition but also relearn myself. I do not yet feel able to talk about it openly outside my organization, although people do know about it, but I now think people can see something they couldn’t before, or are making assumptions about me as they have a generalist view of what autistic people look like. We are not all the same, and I may not behave the same as someone else with autism. It is a spectrum, the same as you may have similarities to your sibling but are not the same person. I wish people wouldn’t label me or assume; I wish they would be more accepting of me and allow me to learn in the way that I can learn best.”
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“I have ADHD and was diagnosed as an adult woman by a psychiatrist. I was 27, had started my own business and felt like something was different when my routine changed from my previous role. I have severe ADHD but have spent my life masking to appear like everyone else. In every conversation I pay close attention to the other person’s language and mannerisms to ensure I fit in, to make sure I do not appear ‘weird.’ I really struggle with admin and timekeeping, something which I tried so hard at but got a hard time from others when I couldn’t do what everyone else could do.
“I have people say I’m known for being a high achiever, I am good at my job, but I never feel this way. I always feel like I’ve failed at simple things. I’m extremely lucky to have the most supportive business partners who restructured a few small things in my work life to allow me to focus on what I’m good at, and our revenue grew 1,000% in six months. I still have others outside the organization make comments about how loud I am or how fast I talk, both things which are minor parts of ADHD, but I feel like I’ve failed at masking when they say that.
“There are many comments made which make me feel as if I fail as a professional about something I cannot change. I do not blame ADHD for everything, but my brain is physically different. I wish people would hold off comments made to others about how they just are. You do not know what that person is learning, masking or how hard they’re trying. Is there really a need to ask those questions or make those comments? And for those who think everyone is ‘a little bit ADHD,’ it is just so untrue. Until you have questioned every part of your behaviour or felt like your brain is on a speeding train that will not stop whilst analysing every part of every conversation you have in a day, you have not even walked an inch in our shoes.”
Women in Tech
“As a woman in a management team, I find it very difficult to be treated in a non-assumptive way. I am not very good at admin tasks and excel in other areas which would inherently be seen as male strengths. But at a work meeting with male peers, admin tasks are often delegated to me as it is assumed it is my strength because I am a woman.”
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“I have chronic endometriosis, and find it incredibly painful constantly, not just once a month. However, I find it difficult to explain my difficulties or it be taken as seriously as other chronic issues which would affect both genders. My ability to have children has been impacted due to my condition however I have been asked countless times whether I should stop focusing on my career and have children. I find this an intrusive question anyway, something my male counterparts have never been asked, but I find it increasingly difficult to have to explain why I don’t yet have children or if I ever will as the choice has been taken away from me.
“I have had three major surgeries in the last five years, I was only able to get two weeks off work before returning as women’s health is not considered as severe as other conditions. I’m sure if a condition that affected anyone caused organs to fail, surgeries which caused hundreds of internal stitches and pain which has been measured to be the same as a heart attack, it would be taken far more seriously in the workplace, but I find it an eternal struggle and have to put a smile on each day whilst I’m hurting. I wish others would not make assumptions about my pain, my life or my abilities and would be more open to listening. Endometriosis is very common, but the severity differs, just because you know someone who is ok, doesn’t mean we all are.”
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“It is very frustrating when industry statistics are presented but the low volume of women in management positions is not often touched on. It feels like our empowerment is forgotten and the issues to improve as swept away.”
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“Something that often happens to me is people touching me in a way they would not touch a man, such as lower back, leaning on me, over the shoulder arm rest or even kissing my neck. It bothers me I have to even say that it bothers me.”
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“I have undergone IVF treatment and have had to be fairly open about it. People do not understand the impact the process takes on our bodies and our mental health. People assume what my ‘problem’ is as to why I need IVF, they either feel it’s a personal choice to undergo the procedures or that I’m a failure, both of which I have to tell myself constantly are untrue. I have also had others ask deeply probing questions about my personal life which I find intrusive and emotionally trialling. IVF and having a child do not define me as a person, however I feel I have become labelled by something out of my control and something which has nothing to do with the workplace other than needing some occupational health support with my medical appointments.”
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“I do not have children, and I feel judged. I do not feel a part of some women in tech groups, as there has often been a focus on working in the industry as mother’s or part-time working. I fully support this being a subject of discussion, but I feel that women’s equity and inclusion should span all of us. I know women who are unable to have children who have been told the same as me that ‘we have no idea what hard work is,’ or ‘we have no idea about juggling’ because we do not have kids. I am not saying that women with children do not have struggles, but there are some of us out there who might care for sick relatives outside of work or have medical conditions that prohibit our ability to have choice. I have often had to work the worst hours available in the company, work popular holidays consistently or have my holiday moved to less favourable dates because others with children have requested to have these times off or I’ve been told ‘you don’t have children, you can pull that shift.’ I’m more than happy to help wherever I can, but I have family as well, some of which need me, and I feel secondary to others in my gender. We all have experienced the societal discrimination for being a woman, surely, we should focus on changing the foundational perspectives of our abilities and support each other regardless of our childbearing abilities.”
Allyship
“We have a DEI council that runs events, and I've found them really valuable to understand the 'why' behind things we should do but often don't know why. Additional context always helps to drive change in my opinion.
“One example I'd give is hearing the impact that always using male-orientated pronouns can have on other genders who may already feel marginalised and overlooked in this male-dominated sector. As a result of hearing how demoralising it is always hearing 'hey guys' etc., all day. As a result, I try really hard to use more inclusive pronouns—hi all, you all, everyone etc. It costs me nothing at all, but I hope makes others feel more welcome and not excluded.
“I get it wrong a lot, if I do, I acknowledge my mistakes and try again."
LGBTQAI+
“My workplace accommodates my personal counselling which I have invested in to explore and accept my identity, and they ensure meetings are not booked at this time. I can also take mental health days without needing to explain why it is needed when I am struggling with my acceptance journey.”
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“One of our senior partners is a transgender individual that is now living in their true identity. My superiors knew this person prior to her starting her journey and often dead name her. This can unfortunately happen by mistake, but I always look to correct it as/when I hear it, and explain why correction is important.”
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“We recently built a piece of marketing collateral for Valentine's Day that featured a silhouette of a female/male couple. The oversight was recognised, but only after the piece had gone out to our whole client base. What’s worse is that the fix is very simple; just don’t include any kind of silhouette. I am a straight white man, and recognised the insensitivity instantly, I therefore dread how members of the LGBTQAI+ community were made to feel by this mistake.”
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“My biggest pain point these days is subtle heteronormative assumptions when people ask directly about my ‘wife or girlfriend,’ or refer to my partner by ‘she’ or ‘her’ when I haven't identified his gender.”
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“I am a gay man in his 50s and have had a long journey in the industry. I am overjoyed to see the change that has come about and enjoy seeing the contrast in experience younger people receive. I am also always open to compassionately curious questions around my journey and experiences, being open to educating and giving context to people has also allowed me to correct stereotypical assumptions. I do still experience some of these assumptions, but at a tenth of even 10 years ago. I would love to be able to join a conversation at a conference and the questions be more encompassing rather than stereotypical, but if people try to learn and open their mind, I am always happy to be a part of their education.”
Race, Culture and Creed
“I wish as a non-white person I could see more people of my heritage at the same level as myself or more encouragement in STEM.”
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“I have always been excited to share my heritage and culture with people and answer their questions to broaden their learning. My company has done a great job at including my background into the work culture and celebrating my holidays with me. I feel involved, accepted and able to be who I am without fear of judgement, which I had not had before.”
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“I wish others would understand a little more about my culture and religion. I celebrate Eid, and each year/time our holiday comes round, I have to explain to my management that I cannot definitively provide the exact date we will celebrate, and it is not me being difficult or making it up. I wish others would read even a little about it on Google, so I do not feel a nuisance or that I am lying. Especially when I have been so flexible around Christmas to help when others are unable to work.”
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“Unfortunately, as someone with a longer, non-Western name, I have often been asked to shorten it or change it to make it ‘easier’ for people to pronounce. I am proud of my name, its meaning and my heritage, I also enjoy shortening it to my nickname that I have chosen, but I feel like my heritage is being erased when I have been told to change my name to something like ‘Tom’ or ‘Sam’ or a name that has been decided by others. How can that be ok to ask?”
GTIA Members: Download the GTIA DEI&B Guidebook: A Plan for MSPs and Other Tech Businesses on the Member Portal.
Hannah Lloyd is chief revenue officer at Enhanced.io.
